I am planning a get-together next Thursday, because I think I’ll want to hang out with people, have a good time, play some stupid games, and generally try to jam or something. These are all things I like to do.
Meanwhile I’ve been writing to friends at home and missing people, which I’ve vented a lot to Josh, and Dev about, as well as some home friends that I talk to online.
There is something that is bugging me about this invite list that hasn’t bugged me much for a while because I’ve been getting better…. my invite list is all guys.
Why is this? Why do I find myself driven insane by communication with women? It makes little sense to me. My online friends seem to be a little better populated by women, but in actuality, whether in China or the US, when I am making phone calls for someone to hang out with…. it’s always guys. What is up with that?
Women seem able to communicate with me, right? I don’t have a shirt on that says “women” with a red circle and a cross through the center, right? I don’t compete, I hate the games that I get when I talk with women. I hate the jockeying for guys’ affection that I see most women go through. I am sick of my guy friends’ girlfriends being intimidated by me.
There are so many things about women that are really just the fallout of stupid societal norms that drive me up a wall. I worry that rather than trying to instigate healthy change that I just throw up my hands and walk away saying “screw you women, I’m gonna go play with the guys!” Is that what I do? Is that what I am doing?
I’ve been told a few times from a few different people lately that I’m one of the most open and honest people they know. Interesting since I think there are lots of things that I don’t share, but maybe my wall locations are a little different.
I suppose what bugs me is that I tend to see this lack of women in my circles of friends as unhealthy. At least, it’s something that seems perfectly natural to me, but I know if I was talking to someone else and saw the same demographic I would think that maybe there was some kind of problem there.
A lot of this is rambling, but I’d love some feedback, because this is a periodic issue of concern until I decide not to think about it for a while.