motivation, or lack thereof

My motivation has been low this week. No real drive to read, no real drive to write, no real drive to do much of anything. Television holds little interest. I managed to misplace a set of backup CDs, so I cannot find any of my recent writing. This is fairly horrifying, though I think I’m either past the initial shock of it or feigning numbness.

I hope the CDs will someday magically appear, since I had them less than a week ago.

The problem is that the scripts for my comic were in there, as well as many writing projects that I was already looking for markets for. This is sad, but it’s impetus to get back on the stupid horse and try to make something better out of the rubble. This will set me launch date for the comic back a bit, since I need the scripts to actually get going on it. My character profiling is gone as well, though it may be good for me to try and recreate some of those quick verbal portraits for myself. Hopefully I can sit and write those over the next few days while I also draw up some of the character sketches and layout the site for the whole thing.

I am also finishing reading a book, which is good. I’m reading The Forest for the Trees, a book about writing and editing and publishing. It’s been a rather fun read, and my tortoise like speed in reading has more to do with me than with the book. At my finest, this book would last me maybe two or three days. As a writer, this book is a lot of affirmation, and also a good idea of warning signs for where quirky craziness turns to serious psychosis.

I asked about one of my relatives the other day, and the response was “We’re not getting any younger.” That’s true, to be sure. Ageing and decay seem to be the standard for the progress through life, but those aren’t really the things that have been striking me. What strikes me more is how wider everyone seems to have gotten. I forgot how big Americans are, or maybe I was just numb to it once upon a time. Granted, I’m one to talk with my own unhealthy BMI. I remind myself that results like enormous pants come from very many small decisions and unnecessary dependencies, habits that I don’t want to pick up again.

I have a plan to send out resumes this week. Employment needs to happen, hopefully something I can throw myself into and flex my brain. When I was in primary school my mom said to me “Don’t watch too many cartoons or your brain will turn to mush.” At the time, I could have used a little mushiness… I might have fit in better with the masses. At this point in time though, I find myself staving off tv in order to prevent caps on creativity. Somehow it feels like a big sinkhole as I watch, so I try to limit myself to things that seem like a good idea.

The only thing amiss in my readjusting to the house is I can’t find my alarm clock. I would like to give myself some sense of regularity, a piece of which is starting my day. Now, when I wake up at 6AM I am loathe to go back to bed for fear of waking up with the day half gone, but the truth of the matter is I needed a bit more sleep, so instead I am a zombie by 10PM. This has to stop, but I need my alarm clock crutch. That will help me out quite a bit.

1 thought on “motivation, or lack thereof”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *