I went to Arisia this past weekend. I helped throw a suite party, I got to see some panels on comics and ask questions regarding creating, printing, and not losing your mind (entirely), and I showed my art in the art show. I spent a lot of time working on pieces, polishing, framing, and getting everything done. This is the first time I’ve participated in an event with my art available and sold absolutely nothing.
So many other things in the weekend were so great, but it still smarts to feel like i poured a whole lot of work into something with no semblance of recognition. I have hung some of the pieces I did at my house, and I’ll install my bunny pieces at Danimal’s place, and that’ll be fine. I have been thinking of how i want to go about making prints of the bunny pieces I did, and this sort of reception gives me pause. Why invest in getting prints when even the originals garner no tangible interest? People who know me love me, which is great, but this becomes a question of how i spend my meager financial resources. If no one wants what i make, why should i bother making more than one?
I am trying to back up and take a little perspective here, but for the moment it’s a little hard.
I’m far more inspired to work on comics stuff right now, and to stick to pen and ink, the media i’m most comfortable with…
It’s really that I want to know what to take away from this experience. Am i making things people don’t want? Is Arisia not my audience? What the heck *is* my audience? Where should I be aiming with all this stuff? I generally don’t want to work super large format. I think 11×14 or 16×20 is about the limit for what i generally feel like doing. Should I just focus on book work? or narratives?
It’s a lot of creative self-doubt, and that’s a beast I don’t like because it’s usually just a muse-killer without any tangible positives in the aftermath.It’s similar to feeling like I can’t ever seem to get a date even though people sing my praises all the time. It’s hard not to get really suspicious of praise in that situation.
It’s a moment to scrunch up my nose and be a little pissy, dust myself off, and get back up and make some more stuff, and i’m going to focus on paper, on things that have pages, on ink, and prints and cards and comics.