Health and Clumsiness

I am clumsy.  I always have been.  When I was a kid I used to walk into everything.  I tripped over my feet/legs all the time, I fell down stairs, I was a hot mess.  At one point my parents sent me to dance school to learn some gracefulness  I learned how to dance for 13 years, but also still walk into walls, trip over nothing, and have a certain finesse of a giraffe learning to walk. I generally take my clumsiness and height in stride, but the last several months has been a challenge to any standards I had.

Remember hurricane Sandy?  I was stuck in New York during that because the band was scheduled to play a gig over Halloween.  The first day we showed up to rehearse (we had to learn some staging and theatrics) we had to move through the space to see where we’d be.  If you’ve ever traveled with me on a gig, I have a pretty hefty backpack of an accordion + amp (cumbersome, and probably around 40 lbs).  On top of that I had a suitcase, a messenger bag with my laptop, and I had to carry my jacket because i was overheated from lugging heavy things around. We had to walk up and down several flights of stairs. I almost managed to huff and puff my way to where we needed to be, but I am never meant to achieve without earning it.  I stepped on my jacket while walking down a flight of stairs.









That’s pretty much how it went, only imagine that at the bottom of the stairs, aside from losing my shoes, my accordion case was actually pinning my head to the ground, and given how I was smushed into the stairs, i had to wave my arm around pathetically for help.  I was the reverse of a turtle stuck on its back.

I have to say, much like all of Peanuts, I can tell how good a fall is by whether I’ve lost my shoes (last time I had done this was Dec 2011, again in NY but just walking down the street i somehow ended up supermanning into the pavement). Once I was able to pick myself up I realized I didn’t break my laptop, and I didn’t break my accordion, but I did kinda break my face and left leg, lots of contusions. I am a fan of good bruise pictures, so here are my favorites from 2 days after impact.



I never realized that I could probably pull off yellow eyeshadow. Never a color I would have gone for, but now I know. Mind you, I regularly fall/injure myself, but this is my first black eye.  Probably the third time I’ve smacked my head hard enough to need to collect myself.  My hip, unfortunately, is still not the same size as the right one.

So I found all this hysterical, on par with going airborne on a flight of stairs my first day of school. Fine. I got some xrays when I got back to Somerville, and xray wise I’m fine.

In December I went in for a physical and the main point was that I need to lose weight.  I’d been hearing this for several physicals, but I finally decided to listen and take my dr. up on some nutritionist face time. Woo, getting things done.  The next set of news from my Dr. is that i have fibroids and I should get them checked out. Great, sure. Over the course of the next month I learn that my uterus is some giant overgrown frankenstein with growths large enough to obscure seeing the general health of of the whole uterus. It’s 2 times bigger than normal, and didn’t i notice it getting in the way?  Didn’t it make me uncomfortable?  (not that i noticed?)


left = normal uterus, right = my uterus, mumpo the large

My lack of discomfort, and non-desire to have kids means that they are just gonna wait and see how it does. Maybe someday we’ll shoot it with lasers. It’ll be exciting. Lasers up in my business.

In January the sentence fell that I don’t get to eat, and I get to train myself to be a gym rat.  I figured why not and jumped in whole hog for 2 months.  Then on Feb 20 I had a great experience losing my bike on black ice, and then losing my own balance on black ice. I fractured my fibula on my right leg. I did 3 weeks in a cast, and I’m still living the life of the roboboot. It’s interesting, I’ve started being able to walk on one crutch, and I’m back to doing some stationary bike time to increase mobility in the joint. I had fun in physical therapy feeling absolutely baffled at my inability to pick up a towel with my toes. Every day is new, and every long hobble is a discovery of what muscles are picking up the slack (and complaining later).  I kinda feel like the whole thing is a giant experiment that is fun so long as my back doesn’t hurt.

I’m down a bunch of weight so far, and I’ve still managed to rock out on the accordion at band gigs, and schlep around mollusks at work.  The biggest challenge is that after moving around I quite literally fall asleep whether i realize it or not. I fell asleep this week with my broken leg in the air tracing the alphabet. This isn’t an easy activity (it’s physical therapy homework), but I just fell asleep. I woke up later with my leg up in the air. I unlocked the “sleep anywhere” achievement when I lived in China, but this is a whole other level. I’ve leveled up!

Anyhow, aside from these little sketches, I have some art that I’m working up that I am pretty excited to get posted.  I did a bunch of scanning today and I’ll be rolling stuff out this week.

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