thoughts of the day
November 25, 2007
i had a bit of a disagreement with my laptop today, but now we’re all on the same page. Essentially, the computer gets to slap me around a bit and make me jump through hoops so long as I get what I want.
remember how i anthropomorphize things? yeah.
angie gave me an iPod shuffle. yes, i know, i’ve sworn off the iPod empire, however the idea of having one that i only let play with linux just seems like a riot. it took a little frustration to get it to show up at all on the operating system, and then once it did it took some more effort to be able to actually modify the files on it. i managed to clear the whole thing, which was good, and then went through another chunk of frustration where I put files on it, but could not play them.
we exchanged stern glances, but didn’t get anywhere. once we got around to soothing talking and ability to really listen to what each of us wanted, we got somewhere. this means I did some rebooting and installed more software, for those looking for a real fix. Then i realized that the software was missing some backend files to allow me to see the files i wanted to get rid of on the shuffle, so i installed all that as well.
then, when i wanted to upload some tunes from a few CDs, i actually turned around and managed to compile stuff that would actually allow me to take a cd I have and make MP3s. Yes, if i used windows this would all be as easy as plugging things in and dragging and dropping, but if I liked all of life that simple I wouldn’t be using linux, i wouldn’t be trying to work on my degree, and i wouldn’t be puzzling through what i want out of life. in some ways, my computer relationship is a metaphor of how i want everything to be… a pain in the ass that is ultimately more meaningful, flexible, and fun.
Does that make me a masochist?
this afternoon i went to see Lars and the Real Girl with Pecan. I really liked it. there’s something about the film that was utterly sad, but also utterly uplifting at the same time. it makes me think because masokist and i talk about broken people all the time. usually to laugh. if you don’t laugh, the only other option is to cry, and i don’t do that much.
everyone’s broken, and yes, some people are more broken than others. everyone has issues, everyone flips out. everyone has their moments. Maybe they’re private, maybe they’re calm, maybe they internalize everything and it eats them from the inside out, maybe they have a magnificent act to try and hide everything, or maybe they just play the part everyone wants them to be, maybe they do what they’re supposed to, it doesn’t matter. Everyone’s broken. Everyone’s been hurt. In some way, everyone is hurting. (yes, I know this sounds like the REM song, but there’s not too many other ways to put it)
Anything you or i or anyone does could be a reminder of something that really hurts someone else. It probably does, but that’s part of life. That’s part of the experience, and dealing with that, and maybe not being so horribly careful is ok. There are folks who are halfway there. They know we can’t help hurting other people, they know that people are broken or flawed, but then they just use that as an excuse to run everyone over. I don’t mind being sarcastic and crass. In case you haven’t caught on, I do it all the time. I think the “good” person tries to sometimes reach out past other people’s walls and pain and make connections with others, despite the likelihood of pain. That means identifying with people, sometimes consoling people, and sharing with people. Being a good person means that you have to try.